christmas

It's Christmas at our house.

Our tree is up.

The decorations are hung.

Presents are wrapped.

And our home feels cozy...

(despite the thermostat being stuck at 60 degrees)

I love this time of year.

The festivities.

The food.

The family time.

But most of all,

I love celebrating the birth

of my Savior.

Joy to the World

the Lord is come

Let earth receive her King

Because that's what it's really all about.

Merry Christmas.

May you have a season filled with

joy

and laughter

and so much love.

But more than that,

may the true meaning and spirit of Christmas

be in the forefront of your holiday,

with an unyielding focus on the root of it all:

Christ.

my husband

I am so very thankful for Branson.

I'm quite a lucky girl.

I am thankful for Branson's laugh. It is hysterical. I love hearing it. I am grateful that I married someone funny. Laughter is so important to me, and I'm glad that my husband feels the same. He is always trying [and succeeding] to make me laugh.

I am grateful that he is a hard worker. Work ethic is a deal breaker for me, and I'm glad I've never had to question Branson's. He always pitched in. He cleans the bathroom. He does the dishes. He takes out the trash. He fixes our house. He built the chicken coop. He takes jobs seriously. He works hard, and I'm so thankful that we can work together - on little projects at home, remodeling our house, and, most importantly, in life. We work together in our marriage, in our family... in everything.

I am thankful that he studies so hard in school. The transition from two incomes to one [plus school expenses] has been a hard adjustment, but knowing that Brans is working hard in school, makes it worth it. He made the Dean's List. He's getting a 4.0 this semester. He aces his tests and essays. I love hearing him talk about what he learned, or about when he's the only one in his class that knows the answer to a question. I'm so proud of him and so pleased with the work he's doing and what he's learning.

I am thankful for the glimpses I get of how great of a dad he'll be someday. I love watching him interact with my siblings, with our niece and nephews, with neighborhood kids, with cousins. He's going to be a fantastic father someday. [No, this is not an announcement.]

I am thankful for our conversations. I love talking to him. I love hearing about his day. I love when he asks me about mine. Brans is super smart, and I am grateful for the intelligent conversations that we have. We talk about Politics. The Gospel. History. Sports. He just knows so much about so many different things. He's always saying, "did you know that..." and stating some obscure fact that I would never have even thought about before. I am so grateful that we can talk to each other, and that there's always something to say.

I am grateful for his strength. Branson is strong in so many ways. Physically. Spiritually. Mentally. Emotionally. He is just so strong. And I'm thankful for the inspiration that strength is to me. He brings me up. He makes me stronger.

I am thankful for his patience. I am thankful that he puts up with my quirks. My likes. My dislikes. My routines. He is pretty accommodating to me. He waits for me. He [sometimes] laughs at my not-funny jokes. He lets me do things the way I want to, even if they don't make sense. I am so grateful that he puts up with me.

I am grateful for the way he shows his affection for me. He's not overly-affectionate. Particularly in public. Which I am SO thankful for. But he lets me know he loves me each and every day. In little and big ways. I am thankful that he holds my hand. I am thankful that he loves to snuggle. That he kisses me every day. I am thankful for each time he tells me he loves me - both in word and in deed.

I am thankful that Brans is a worthy priesthood holder. I am thankful for the sweet blessings he's given me. For the little vial of oil he keeps on his key chain. For the memories and stories he shares from his mission. Watching him fulfill his callings. I am thankful that we pray together. I am thankful that we were married and sealed in the temple. I am so thankful that we share the same values and beliefs. I am so thankful for the priesthood he holds. I am so thankful that I get to see him exercise the power he holds. He's such a good, good man.

I am so thankful for Branson.

He truly completes me.

He makes me better.

I am so grateful for a wonderful, loving husband.

And for everything he does for me.

parents

I am grateful for goodly parents.

And mine are the goodly-est. There is no sweeter, kinder, angelic woman in the world than my mom. And there is no harder-working, dedicated, righteous man in the world than my daddy.

I am thankful for my mom. She really is the best. All I ever needed to know I learned from my mother. She taught me everything good. And like the stripling warriors in the Book of Mormon, I do not doubt, because my mother knows. She taught me right from wrong. To avoid even the appearance of evil. To love. To laugh. To learn. To smile. To sing. To work first, and then play. To do my best. To serve. To give. To teach. To help. To never give up. My mom is amazing. I am so grateful for everything she has done for me. I am thankful for the memories I share with her. And I am so grateful that I am her oldest child and first daughter. We share a bond that I am truly thankful for each and every day. I am thankful for my mom.

I am grateful for my dad. He is the greatest man I know. I learned a lot from him, too. That he can fix just about anything. The value of hard work, even when it doesn't seem worth it. How to braid my hair. A love for words. That it's ok to cry. Dedication. Loyalty. How to jump start a car. How to tie a tie. [I've taught more boys how to tie their own ties that you can imagine. And I may or may not have tied Jimmer's tie for him. More on that later.] How to plan a wedding. How to bear a simple, yet powerful testimony. To be reverent. The importance of young men serving missions. That your word should be your bond - and when you say you'll do something, nothing should stop you from getting it done. The responsibilities of a worthy priesthood holder. How a husband should treat his wife. To work harder than you think you can to take care of the people you love. So very many lessons. My dad is the greatest. He is exactly what a father should be. I am so grateful that he is mine. I am thankful for the example he sets and for the memories I have with him. I am thankful that he still lets me be his little girl. I'm so thankful for my dad.

I am grateful that my parents raised me. It seems like there are so many children now whose parents are less parent and more friend/chauffeur/bank. And while I am grateful that my parents were those other things to me to, I am thankful that they were so involved in my upbringing. I am thankful that they punished me when I was disobedient. I am grateful that they encouraged me to try my best and were disappointed when I didn't. I am thankful that they were so involved in my life. That my mom waited up for me every night, even when I came home way too late. That my dad cared so much about who I dated. That my parents loved me enough to discipline me and help me learn right from wrong. I hope that when I have children of my own, that I will be able to be even half as good to them as my parents were to me.

I am also grateful for my in-law parents. I am so blessed to have married into a incredible family. When Brans and I got engaged, his family welcomed me as their own and made me feel so loved, even though they hardly knew me. Over the past [almost] four years, my love and appreciation for Branson's parents has just increased exponentially. And while no one can ever equal my parents, Harold and Shannon are a close second.

Shannon is one of the strongest, most talented women I have ever met. She is so thoughtful and giving. It seems like each time I talk to her, she's involved in some sort of project to help someone else. She is such a great example to me. Last year when she was diagnosed with cancer, I was devastated. I think I cried for 3 weeks straight. But her attitude and drive to get through it was inspiring. She was always so positive about everything. She just knew everything would be ok. And it was. I am so grateful for her strength. For her faith. For her example. From the moment we met, Shannon and I got along wonderfully. She treated me like I was her daughter. I'm so grateful for the friendship we've developed and that she has become another mother to me. [My "San Diego Mom" as she likes to say.]

Harold is one of the most pleasant, even-tempered men I know. He reminds me a lot of my dad. He is a hard worker. He's very involved in the Church and in his callings. He's joyful. Thoughtful. Loyal. He likes to tease, but never mean-spirited. He has a funny sense of humor, and like my dad, when he laughs, his shoulders just shake and you see his laughter instead of hear it. I love it. Harold is sweet and kind. I'll never forget the first moment we shared after he officially became my father-in-law. Brans and I had just been married and sealed in the Temple, and Harold came over to us and gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear that he loved me. I remember that moment so fondly. It was so simple. So sweet. It will always be one of my favorite memories of him. I am so grateful for Harold. I'm so grateful for the righteous example he set for his sons. I know that Brans grew up just trying to be like his dad. I'm thankful that he had someone like Harold to model after.

I am so grateful for our parents. They really are the best.

I'm grateful for the lessons they taught.

For the wonderful lives they've provided us with.

For just being there.

And for the love they have for us.

I'm so grateful for each of them.

music

I am thankful for music.

My life has always revolved around music.

As a little girl, I would play outside and make up songs, singing while I twirled, or on a swing, or even just laying in the grass.

When I turned 5, I started piano lessons. I easily learned how to read music, and have been sight-reading ever since.

I played the violin for a year, and the flute after that.

In 7th grade, my accompanying career began, when I was recruited by the music teacher, Mr. Ulmer to accompany Mixed Chorus, an elite group of 9th graders. [Yes. This did make me feel super cool.] I can't even count how many times I've accompanied a choir or a soloist, or a quartet, or... the list goes on for ever. I am thankful for Matt Ulmer and the foresight he had to give a 13 year old girl a chance to grow and develop a talent. I learned so much during the three years I accompanied his choirs.

I was called as the Ward Organist when I was 13, taught myself to play, and have enjoyed the calling ever since. It's strange to think it's been over ten years since then...

My sophmore year in high school, the jr. high hired me to play the piano in the orchestra pit for the school musical, Les Miserables. They paid me $800 dollars. I remember Gramps thought this was the most amazing thing. It made my heart soar to hear him brag to the rest of the family that the school was paying me, his granddaughter, to play the piano. A few years later, the high school hired me to play for Beauty and the Beast. I am grateful for these opportunities and remember them fondly.

I started teaching piano lessons as a junior in high school.

I aced the AP Music Theroy test my senior year of high school.

I memorized Rhapsody in Blue by George Gershwin.

I played musical numbers for several General Authorities and local Dignitaries.

I wrote, arranged and recorded two-CDs worth of piano solos.

I received a music scholarship to BYU and spend my freshman year of college working on credits for a piano performance major.

Then my life took a little turn and I got Carpal Tunnel. Parts of me were devastated, but my love for music remained. I rationed my practicing and no longer played through the pain, but continued to deepen my knowledge and appreciation for music.

And now, I work in the music industry. Really, there isn't a more perfect job for me.

So many of my memories are associated with music. Choir Festivals and Tours. The songs I've accompanied. The friends I made. The lessons I learned. And I am so grateful for each of those memories.

But mostly, I'm thankful for the love of music instilled in my soul from my parents. My favorite memories with my family revolve around music.

Mom singing me to sleep as a child.

Riding in the back of the car, changing the words to "Open Arms" with Austin to be about a skier with Broken Arms.

Family musical numbers in church.

The low rumble of my dad's deep voice when he sings.

Singing "Armies of Helaman" at Taylor's missionary farewell.

Switching alto and tenor parts with Bryson.

Belting out Ben Folds songs with Brindy.

Playing Christmas duets with my brothers.

... so, so, so many more.

Music is sacred to me.

Music says things that words can't.

Music expresses emotions that would otherwise be locked away.

Music is the food of my soul.

I am so grateful for music and for the influence it has had on my life.

I am so full of thanks for a mother who never let me quit piano lessons. Who passed her love for music on to me. Who encouraged me. Who sang to me. Who loved the music I played.

I am thankful for the sweetness music provides, and for the spiritual journey it creates for me. Nothing invites the spirit like music. Nothing.

I am so thankful for music.

the gospel

I am thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I am thankful for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am grateful to be called a "Mormon." I am thankful that I have a deep rooted knowledge of the love God has for each of His children. I am thankful that, in a world that grows increasingly darker every day, that the Gospel provides a light and illuminates my way.

I am grateful for living prophets. I have been blessed to meet many prophets, seers, and revelators in my life, and each experience is still fresh in my mind, as sweet as the day it happened.

President Gordon B. Hinckley told me my smile would be a wonderful missionary tool. Elder Richard G. Scott shed tears during a piano arrangement I did of "I Am a Child of God" and said that hearts would be turned through the music I created. President Howard W. Hunter shook my hand a month after he was called as Prophet. President Thomas S. Monson gave me a Kit-Kat on Halloween. I've shaken hands with Elders Joseph B. Wirthlin, Russell M. Nelson, David B. Haight, L. Tom Perry, and President Henry B. Eyring. I know these men were called by God. I've heard their testimonies and have felt their spirits. I am so grateful for our prophets.

I am thankful for Joseph Smith. I am thankful that he, as a fourteen year old boy, asked questions. I am grateful that he didn't let fear of the unknown get the best of him. I am grateful that he knelt in a grove of trees and spoke to God. I am so thankful that he never gave up. I am grateful for his courage. I love Joseph and am so, so glad that he translated the Book of Mormon and  helped usher in the Restoration.

I am thankful for the scriptures. I am grateful for the Old and New Testaments. The Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price. The Book of Mormon. I love feasting on scripture. It amazes me that each time I read, I learn something new. I am grateful that so many prophets kept a record. I am grateful that those records were compiled and made readily available. I love the scriptures.

I am grateful for the cleansing ordinance of the Sacrament. I am so thankful that each Sabbath day I can partake of the Sacrament and renew my baptismal covenants with the Lord and once again, be cleansed of my sins. I am thankful for the symbolism of the Sacrament and the lessons I learn from it weekly.

I am beyond thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows where I am and what I'm doing. I feel my Father's love for me in everything. God's love is evident all around us. In the beauty of the Earth. In the favorable circumstances we find ourselves in. In the trials and challenges that make us stronger. In the little "coincidences" that you know aren't just circumstance. I am eternally grateful for God and all that He has blessed me with.

I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am for my Savior, Jesus Christ. He has done so very much for me. For each of us. Words aren't adequate to say how thankful I am that He atoned for me. That He bled from each and every pore for MY sins.  That He was crucified so that I could return and live with God again someday. Jesus Christ is my Savior. He is more to me than a prophet. More than just a man who lived two thousand years ago. More than my friend. More than my brother. He is my Lord. My Savior. My Redeemer. I am thankful beyond thankful for Him.

I am grateful for my knowledge of the Gospel. I am thankful for the influence the teachings of the Gospel have had on my life.

The Gospel makes me a better person. It helps me be kinder, more compassionate. It gives me understanding and perspective. It helps me strive to be more Christlike. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is my key to happiness. And I am so thankful for the happiness it brings to me.

mountains

I am thankful for mountains and their majestic beauty.

Yesterday, Brans and I went up into the High Uintah Mountains and cut down our Christmas tree. [Our tree is perfect. Just enough branches. Perfectly shaped boughs. The fresh smell of pine... everything is magnificent.] While driving to find our tree, I was simply soaking it all in. The fresh air. The wildlife. The forests. The meadows. The creeks. The rocks.

The beauty God created in mountains never ceases to amaze me.

They are so grand. They are so massive. They are so detailed. They truly are gorgeous.

I have always lived near mountains. They taught me which direction is north. They gave me a landmark. They formed the lovely valley which I call my home. I could pick out the silhouette of the Wasatch and Oquirrh ranges anywhere. I am so grateful I get to see them everyday.

The view from our bedroom is a straight-shot of Mount Olympus. It is my mountain. Its the peak my high school was named after. I've hiked to its top. And I wake and fall asleep to its majestic beauty every day.

I am so thankful God created such a beautiful terrain for us to live on and enjoy.

But I am especially thankful for the mountains. They are my home. And I am grateful that I have been blessed to live in such wonderful place.

sleep

I am thankful for sleep.

For it's rejuvenating powers. For being the perfect remedy. For the comfort it provides.

While I was in high school, I hardly ever slept. If I got 1-2 hours of sleep per night, it was an accomplishment. But then a few years after I graduated, something clicked and I started sleeping again. And I have not taken advantage of it since.

I love sleeping. I'm grateful that each night I can cuddle up in my big comfy bed and sleep, waking refreshed and ready for the day ahead of me.

I am thankful that we can recharge every night through sleep.

thanksgiving

I am grateful for Thanksgiving.

I love everything about it.

I am thankful that it brings families together.

I am thankful for the delicious food.

I am thankful for the annual football games.

I am grateful for turkey.

I am grateful for pies.

But most of all, I am grateful that Thanksgiving is all about being thankful.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It always has been. But lately, lots of people have wondered why. "Favorite? Even more than Christmas? "

Yes, even more than Christmas.

The attitude and sentiment around Thanksgiving is so different from every other holiday. People seem nicer and more cheerful. It isn't about presents. It isn't about surprises. It isn't even about making the most fantastic meal of the year.

Its about spending time with those you love and outwardly expressing your gratitude for them.

I am grateful for the ability to be grateful. I am thankful I was raised to say 'thank you' and mean it. I am grateful that God has so abundantly blessed me and the people I love.

Life is so wonderful.

I am so thankful.

brothers

I am so thankful for brothers.

I have a lot of them. And each of them is different, and so uniquely wonderful.

Growing up with five brothers very much shaped who I am. I am thankful for the influence and the example I got from my brothers. I love each of them more than words can express.

I am grateful for Austin. I have so many memories of when Austin and I were growing up. We would wrestle together, sing together, build Legos together. We had so much fun. I love Austin's super strong desire to always do the right thing. He is so service-oriented in everything he does, which is a quality I so admire. Austin is competitive and smart and goofy and talented. He is an awesome musician. He's a great cook and is just an all-around wonderful guy. I'm so thankful for him.

I am grateful for Taylor. No one in my life can make me laugh harder than Taylor can. He is hysterically humorous. Every time I think about Taylor, some memory floods my mind and makes me laugh right out loud. Taylor is one of those guys that life just comes easy to. He easily makes friends. He had a 4.0 gpa all throughout high school. Girls just flock to him. Taylor is charismatic and sweet and humble and ... did I mention funny? I love Taylor and am so grateful that he is my brother.

I am thankful for Bryson. Of all my brothers, Bryson and I are the most similar. We have the same temperament. The same sense of humor. We have so many of the same interests. Bryson is just a stud of a man. He is very smart. He is a super hard worker. I could listen to him sing all day long. I have loved watching him grow up and am so grateful for the friendship we've developed as he's grown older. I feel so honored that he asks me for advice. Bryson is talented and intelligent and passionate and awesome. I'm so thankful for him.

I am thankful for Tanner. I say this all the time, but Tanner is just so cool. He really is. He's super handsome and tall and athletic. Tanner used to be so shy and reserved and over the past few years, he's just come out of his shell and turned into this energetic, cool, talented kid. I love to tease him, but really, I think he's so smart and I'm amazed every day at how awesome he is. His voice is like an angel. He's good at anything he tries. Tanner is strong and helpful and clever and so, so cool. I'm very grateful that he's in my family.

I am grateful for Braden. Being the youngest brother has got to be a hard calling - he's had 4 older brothers setting the bar insanely high for him. But Braden is just good. He is just a really good kid. He is extremely creative. The ideas that come of of his head blow me away. He can make anything out of cardboard and duct tape. And little kids love him. I've loved watching his personality develop as he has grown. He is such as sweet boy. Braden is so unique and spunky and positive and adorable. I am so glad that he is my baby brother and am so thankful for him.

Having five brothers is fun. And I always thought no one could come close to them in my heart. But when I married Brans, the size allotted for brothers in my heart grew. I have loved getting to know Brad, Dane, Chad and Blake and am thankful for them, too.

I am grateful for Brad. I've enjoyed getting to know him over the past few years, and love having him around. I love how much he loves his kids. They are lucky to have him as their dad. Brad is funny. He is never afraid to tell you what he's thinking, and loves talking to people. When Brans worked for him, it seemed like he was on the phone all day long with Brad. I loved it. Brad is strong and works so hard to provide for his family. I'm so grateful for him.

I am grateful for Dane. Of all the family, I've spent the least amount of time with Dane and still, over three years after I married into the family, I feel like I'm still getting to know him. He's always just lived far away. But I am grateful for him. Dane is really smart. Every time we see him, he's teaching us something new. He's a very talented musician and is very thoughtful. I am grateful for him and for the time I do get to spend with him, even if it is few and far between.

I am thankful for Chad. Chad left on his mission a few months after we got married, so I didn't get to know him very well until he came home. But this past summer he lived with us, and I am so thankful that he did. I got to know him so well, and loved connecting with him like he had always been my brother. Chad is just darling. I love joking around with him. He's smart and funny and cool. I am grateful he calls me his sister and am so thankful that he's my brother.

I am thankful for Blake. Blake also lived with us for a summer, and during that summer, we bonded. Blake is a super helpful kid. His family likes to give him a hard time because he's the baby and seemingly had it much easier than the rest of them, but he is a hard worker and doesn't have to be asked to do something. He's the guy that sees a need and takes care of it. Blake is fun and energetic and has such a good heart. I love him and and thankful for him.

I love brothers. I love spending time with them. I love watching sports with them. I love talking and joking with them. I love being their sister.

I'm so grateful for my brothers. All nine of them.

laughter

I am thankful for laughter.

Laughter is an outward expression of happiness. And nothing is better for your soul than a genuine, deep-from-the-bottom-of-your-heart laugh.

I love hearing laughter. I love laughing. I love the way laughter can instantly lighten the mood and clear away any negative.

I am thankful that I love to laugh. I am thankful to be surrounded by people who make me laugh. I am thankful that I can occasionally make other people laugh.

When my mom was pregnant with Pie Face, I was in high school. We would stay up late talking about names for the baby. [All eight of us kids were a surprise. My parents didn't find out genders beforehand for any of us. It was always fun to guess, and get the phone call from my dad telling us whether it was a boy or girl.] We had narrowed down names for the baby if it was a boy, but it seemed like we spent so many nights talking about girl names. [Probably because there were already so many brothers.]

One night, I got home late from hanging out with my friends and went in to tell my mom 'good night' and we started talking about the baby.

We brainstormed names and my mom blurted out a name and then I said, "... we could call her Mim!" We both laughed for a few minutes but the mention of Mim made me think of Mad Madam Mim from the Sword in the Stone. You know the scene where her hair covers her face and she says "BOO!"... well, that's what I did with my long, long brown hair.

My mom laughed so hard that tears streamed down her face. I'm not sure if it was because it was late at night or perhaps the pregnancy hormones, but my mom couldn't stop laughing. Which made me laugh. Which made her laugh harder.

Even still, every once in a while, we'll remember that and we both get a fit of the giggles.

And I love every second.

I'm so grateful for laughter. I'm grateful for the bond laughter creates between people.

home

I am thankful for home.

I think that home is where you feel most comfortable. And I think that home can be several places at once.

I am so grateful for the home I live in. I am thankful for the space we have. For the projects we've done and for the room we have to grow. I am grateful for the love and time that my grandparents put into our house to make it a home. I'm grateful for the homey spirit they built in the walls. I am thankful for the love and comfort that Brans and I enjoy in our home.

I am also thankful for the home I grew up in. There's a certain spirit in my parents house that just warms my soul. Its cozy. Small. Warm and inviting. I love everything about it.

I love being at home. I'm the girl who would usually rather stay at home than go anywhere else. I love the comfort of home. I love the feeling of coming home.

I am so thankful for our home. And for everything that home entails.

sisters

I am thankful for my sisters.

Yesterday, we spent some time with Kendyll to celebrate her birthday and today we spent time with Pie Face for her birthday. [And we'll celebrate with Brindy in January for hers.]

It took a long time for me to have sisters, and while I was younger, I think I convinced myself that sisters just wouldn't be that great. I didn't have one until I was almost a freshman in high school. And I just thought that since I hadn't gotten one yet, I probably didn't need one. Or two. Or three. Or eleven.

But I was wrong.

When Brindy was born, my world changed. I started paying attention to girl things. I started liking the color pink. Brindy opened the piece of my heart reserved for sisters and it has grown exponentially since.

Then Pie Face was born. Never did I think I would have two sisters. But I did. And they are adorable. Since my sisters are so much younger than me, I have a different relationship with them than I would if I had grown up with sisters. But I don't think I'd trade it.

I love spending time with Brindy and Pie Face. I love being the "cool" older sister. I try to set a good example for them, but really they set the example for me.

Brindy is the sweetest girl in the whole world. I am so thankful for her sensitive, angelic demeanor. I am thankful for her giggle. It is so contagious. I love each and every time I hear it. Lately, we've shared these funny moments together when we'll just look at each other and laugh. No one ever really knows why we're laughing, but there's something so warming to my soul to have that connection to Brindy. I am thankful for her smile. I am thankful for her voice. Brin has the voice of an angel. Hearing her sing melts my heart. She is so talented. I am so grateful for Brindy.

Pie Face is a genius. All of the siblings in my family are smart. Really smart. But even as a toddler, Pie was superiorly smart. Before she could really talk she could turn on the computer and launch our dial-up internet. Tonight, she busted out grammatical rules and told me that "there wasn't a silent 'e' at the end of a word to suggest the 'o' sound at the beginning of the word." Yeah. She's nine. I am so thankful for her intellect. Its amazing to carry on an intelligent conversation with a nine year old. I am thankful for her sass. She's a little sassy pants and she definitely holds her own as the baby of the family. I am so grateful for Pie Face.

And then I married Brans and inherited a new sister.

I was super nervous about having a sister-in-law. Which is funny, since I could potentially have nine, if all of my brothers (and in-laws) get married.

But I couldn't ask for anyone better than Kendyll. Kendyll is beautiful. I remember the first time I met her thinking, wow, she's pretty. Stunningly pretty. She is so giving and welcoming to everyone. I am so thankful for the way she welcomed me into their family and made me feel like I was her sister, not just a girl who happened to marry her brother. I love hearing Kendyll tell stories. I love hearing excitement in her voice each time I talk to her. I am grateful for her laugh. I love hearing her laugh. I am grateful that she includes me in her life. She invites me to hangout with her friends. She calls to tell me funny things her kids do. She keeps me in the loop with things happening with the rest of the family. I am thankful for my friendship with Kendyll, and that I get to call her my sister.

I am so blessed. I am so grateful for my sisters. They bring nothing but joy to my life.

sports

I am thankful for sports.

While there are certain things about sports that drive me crazy [like greedy athletes. Or the fact that our society encourages athletes to either not go to college and just enter the draft, or even worse, how about quiting and dropping out of college once you've completed 75% of your Bachelor's Degree. Man. I hate that so much.] there are so many things I love about sports.

I love the adrenaline while watching your team in a close game. I love the rules that make each sport different from another. I love the comradery between fans. I [usually] like the friendly batter between rival teams. I love watching sports with Brans and my brothers.

I love the excitement of a 91 yard punt return touchdown.

I love a grand slam in the bottom of the 9th to win the game.

I love a half-court 3 point shot.

I love watching a rugby scrum.

I love referees who make perfectly fair calls.

I am grateful for the entertainment sports provide. I am thankful that at any given time of year there is some sport to be interested in. I am grateful for the bond sports has given me with my brothers. Some of my favorite memories with my brothers have occurred during a sporting event.

Before I went to BYU, my brother Taylor decided to revoke my hugging privileges. [Its a really long story, but basically, I was teasing him one day and he teased me back by saying he wouldn't ever hug me again.] He didn't hug me for two years. Two. Years. Every birthday, Christmas or other significant event or holiday became a begging fest for a hug from Taylor.

I told everyone for my birthday that the only thing I wanted was for Taylor to hug me.

He didn't.

But, one cold November day, in the rivalry BYU vs Utah game, with no time left on the clock and down by five points, John Beck threw a game-winning pass that Jonny Harline caught on his knees in the endzone.

The room we were in erupted. You could probably hear the cheers from miles away. And I will never. n.e.v.e.r. forget what happened next.

Taylor jumped over the couch, did a half-flip/half-cartwheel and landed right next to me on the other side of the room.

And then my privileges were reinstated. He picked me up in a giant bear hug and shook me up and down for what seemed like an hour. When he set me down, I was dizzy. I may have gotten a mild concussion from all the shaking.

My mom, also jumping and cheering, shrieked, "Taylor! You hugged Shanna!" He just shrugged, said, "Well, we won!" and laughed.

I am grateful that sports have brought my family together and provided such wonderful memories and experiences.

And I am grateful that it's just a game.

[But oh, how thankful I am when we win.]

chickens

I am thankful for our chickens.

We are currently raising 13 chickens and they are so fun and entertaining.

We have several different breeds, which lay several different colors of eggs. We get green shelled eggs. Pink. Tan. Dark brown. Its like an Easter egg hunt every day.

Each of our chickens have names and I'm pretty sure they respond when I call them.

Sophie.
Hedwig.
Archimedes.
Rosie.
Ruby.
Tina.
Kelloggs.
Dora.
Sully.
Buttercup.
Rocky II.
Pepper.
And She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Yes, we can tell them all apart. Yes, they gather at the gate when they hear the back door open. And yes, I love them. (Though strictly as farm animals. Not pets. They serve a purpose: providing eggs. And apparently, that distinguishes the two.)

I am thankful for the fresh eggs we get every day. I am thankful for the little bit of adventure raising chickens brings into our lives. I am grateful for our chickens.

light

I am grateful for light.

I am thankful for sunlight which brightens the day. I am thankful for moonlight to see by at night. I am grateful for electric light which allows me to have light when and wherever I would like. I am grateful for candlelight which I can use as a back up light source or to just simply use as a warm and inviting accessory.

I am also grateful for light-heartedness. I am thankful for the light that enters your soul when you laugh. I am grateful for the light that lifts your heart with a sincere smile. I am grateful for the light that shines from righteous countenances.

Mostly, I am thankful for light that is truth. I am thankful for the light of understanding. I am thankful for the light of goodness in a seemingly dark and dim world.

I am thankful for light.

dishwasher

I am thankful for our dishwasher.

Earlier this year, my carpal tunnel became unbearable. One of the things that was the most painful was doing the dishes. [Convenient, right?] My fingers were numb all the time. My grip was non-existent.

I may or may not have broken lots of dishes.

We searched for a used dishwasher and found one for a great deal. And since then, dishes have felt much less like a never-ending chore. And even now, while my hands are still gaining back strength from surgery, I am so grateful that dishwashers exist to make my life just a little bit better.

Tonight, I came home from a very long day at work and an insanely ridiculous train ride home to a counter full of dishes. Fun, right?

Initially, I felt overwhelmed. But I knew I would feel better if I could at least see my counter. So I rolled up my sleeves and dug in...

And was surprised when I put the last dish in the dishwasher and looked up at the clock.

Only 8 minutes had passed.

What used to take almost an hour and all of my hot water took 8 minutes. Eight. Minutes.

I am so grateful that we have a dishwasher.  I'm grateful for the time it saves me. I'm grateful for all of the dishes it hasn't broken [which I can't say about myself...] and I'm grateful for the pain it has saved me from this year.

Who knew I could be so grateful for a dishwasher?

Well, I am.

water

I am thankful for water.

I am thankful for all of the many functions of water.

Water cleanses.
Water quenches a thirst.
Water nourishes.
Water sustains life.

I am thankful for the abundance of water around me and that it is readily available for my needs. From doing the dishes to taking a hot shower. Or drinking a cold glass of water.

I love water. And all the things it allows me to do.

dictionary

I love the Dictionary.

And I am grateful that there are so very many words. I love words. I love the sound of words. I love writing words. I love reading words. I love spelling words. And I am thankful that all of those wonderful words can be found in one place.

In a musical I saw a few years ago, a little girl is a finalist in a Spelling Bee and she sings a song about her best friend: the Dictionary.

I love my Dictionary

And I love the indented border

Every word's in alphabetical order

Ergo, lost things always can be found

And I wrap my head around the fact that in one book

Is the entire language of our species

Which is a favorite term of Nicci's

Who's the great-grandfather of Christina Ricci's

(hee hee hee)

Yes, I joke, but the words in the Dictionary

Are the friends that I'll have forever

More than the friends I have made in school

My friend, the Dictionary

Is a very reliable friend

I love this song. I, too, love the Dictionary, and consider it a very reliable friend.

I love the Dictionary. I love learning new words. I love reading all of the definitions of words I think I know and learning something new.

I am grateful God gave us a way to communicate with each other. I am grateful that there are so many words we can use to communicate - so many beautiful, wonderful, eloquent words.

And I am thankful for the Dictionary, the one book that contains the entire language of our species.

And that it's in alphabetical order.

Obviously.

niece and nephews

I have the cutest nieces and nephews. And I could not be more grateful for them.

Tonight, we celebrated Wesley's birthday - he turned 5 yesterday. [Which blows my mind. I joined the family when he was 1. Its crazy to see how fast he's grown.] And it is simply adorable to see Wesley, Jack and Avery interact with me and each other.

Wesley is a super smart, sensitive, awesome little guy. He gets so excited to tell me about things in his life - new toys, what he learned at school, a new movie he watched. I love it. Jack is just silly. He constantly makes me laugh. And he knows he's funny, which only makes him funnier. Miss Avery is darling. She's just started talking and her little voice makes me smile. [Tonight, she told me she loved me. It sounded a lot like she said "lubbu" - but I new what she meant.]

I love living close to our niece and nephews. I am thankful that they know who I am and for their smothering hugs each time I see them.

I am so grateful for my family. Particularly, Wesley, Jack and Avery.

clean sheets

I am thankful for clean sheets.

There's something about the first night you sleep on fresh, clean sheets. It's so... refreshing.

I love the smell of clean sheets.
I love their crispness.
I love snuggling up in them on a cold winter night.

I'm grateful that I can sleep in a clean, comfortable place each night. And I am thankful that I have a bed to sleep on. With clean sheets.

freedom

I am thankful for freedom.

I am thankful for those people who have fought

for me to be able to obtain and keep that freedom.

My life is full of people who currently serve

or have served in the military.

Who have fought in wars.

Who have been deployed over seas.

Who have served our country so diligently.

I am grateful for everyone who serves our country.

And I am grateful that I live in a country that's free.

chapstick

I am grateful for chapstick.

Every year when fall turns to winter, my lips crack and shrivel like the desert.

I'm so happy there's a little tube of soothing I can carry in my pocket.

tithing blessings

I am grateful for tithing blessings.

I was raised to recognize these blessings in my life, and I am so, so thankful for them. I could recount numerous occasions growing up when we were blessed by paying our tithing. Brand new clothes showing up on our porch. Secret Santas. Anonymous envelopes filled with just enough cash for our groceries that month. So many things happened that strengthened my testimony as a child, then a teenager, as a college student and now, as an adult.

Growing up, my grandma would give us a few dollars for our birthdays. And while I can't remember how much money I got in a given year or what I did with that money, I can vivdly remember what she wrote in the card:

Always remember to pay your tithing.

And I have. I've made it a habit. I'm a full tithe payer, and so grateful that I am.

I know that blessings come from paying tithing to the Lord. And I know that those blessings are real.

Tonight, Brans and I were running errands, and found a long lost gift card in my purse. We decided to splurge for dinner and use the gift card. We ordered our meal, handed the gift card to the cashier and patiently waited for the payment to go through.

But it didn't.

She tried it twice and it didn't work.

My heart sunk. Money has been tight for us since Brans went back to school. We're not living poverty - by any means, but we also don't have much in our "Dining Out" budget allotment.

I knew the total. I knew that we didn't have the money for this, and that we wouldn't be eating out if it weren't for the gift card.

In the course of 5 seconds, I simultaneously thought:

Could I just tell her I changed my mind

and leave empty handed [and empty stomached]?

I guess I have that emergency $20 that I could use.

Maybe I could look up a coupon on my phone really quick...

Maybe I could...

And then the cashier looked up at me and said, "This isn't working..."

I'm not sure if she heard my heart sink. Or my stomach grumble. Or if she could see the panic and disappointment in my eyes. But she continued:

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I'm having trouble with the gift card. Why don't you just take the meal and enjoy it. Tonight, it's on the house."

I think I stared at her for several seconds with a look of disbelief.

"Really, ma'am. Enjoy your meal."

I wanted to cry. Tears of joy, of course.

"Really?! Thank you so much!"

I squealed like a little girl.

She said I was welcome and to have a great night.

I know it wasn't much. I know it may sound silly. And I know that it's such a little thing that a lot of people would just brush off. It was really just a little bit of money, and a matter of circumstance.

But I am thankful.

Thankful for the girl at the register,

who decided to have a charitable heart today.

Thankful for the warm, delicious meal she gave us.

Thankful for the opportunity to use our gift card another time.

Thankful that I am able to recognize tithing blessings in my life.

Small and large.

But most of all, thankful that our Heavenly Father is watching over us. I'm thankful that He is aware of our circumstances. Thankful that He shows us he cares and loves us. Thankful that he blesses us.

I am so thankful.

pajamas

I am thankful for pajamas.

There's something so comforting and relaxing about coming home from a long, hard day of work and slipping into a nice cozy pair of sweats and thick fuzzy socks.

It's such a simple thing, but something about it is so good for the soul.

I am grateful for the nice comfort pajamas bring to the end of my day and the 'good job today, now why don't you relax' they seem to whisper to me.

hands

I am thankful for my hands.

It's been two months to the day since my surgery.

I still feel less than 100%, [I feel about 75%, in case you were wondering] but also feel really good about the outcome. I lost a lot of strength in my hands and wrists, and it's been hard to get all of that back. I know it will come with time and energy, so I'm trying hard and trying to be patient.

I've always been grateful for the things my hands could do. But lately, I've been able to truly appreciate all of the little things that make those other things possible.

I'm grateful for 10 working, limber [although short] fingers. I'm grateful for wrists that bend. I'm grateful for the muscles and tendons and ligaments in my hands that make movement possible. I am grateful for the skin on my hands that has proven to heal itself so quickly.

I'm also thankful for the many talents I have been able to express through my hands. Heavenly Father sure blessed me with so many ways to use my hands, and I'm so grateful for all of them. I'm grateful that I am able to play the piano. I'm grateful that I was able to teach myself to play the organ. I'm grateful that I can write, with pretty legible handwriting. I'm thankful that I can cook extravagant meals. I'm grateful I can make and decorate beautiful cakes. I am thankful that I can hold my husband's hand. I'm thankful that I can type. I am thankful that I can create things with paper. I'm grateful I can sew patches on Brans' Scout uniform. I am grateful for so many wonderful thing that my hands can do! [truthfully, the list could go on for days...]

I am thankful for my hands. I am thankful for the things they can do - both noticed and unnoticed.

I am thankful that God made it possible for my hands to be fixed when they were broken.

I have so many things to be thankful for.

missionaries

I am thankful for missionaries.

And I am thankful that Mission Presidents allow missionaries to email their family once a week. I can't imagine what it was like to only get a mailed letter every once in a while during a family member's mission.

I am definitely not the best at emailing my brothers who are on missions, but I seriously treasure each email I receive from them.

I love watching them grow.

I love hearing them share their testimonies.
I love reading about their experiences.

I love their enthusiasm.

I'm blessed to have two brothers serving missions at the moment:

my brother Taylor, who's in England

and Blake, Branson's brother, who's in the Netherlands/Belgium.

They are both stalwart examples of what missionaries can and should be. I'm so pleased with their decisions to serve the Lord for two years. They are incredible young men. And though they both are pegged as 15 year old boys in my head, it is awesome to see them become men.

I'm grateful for the service missionaries everywhere render. I'm grateful for the blessings I've received from my brothers, dad and husband all serving honorable missions. I am grateful for the message they share and for their willingness to do so.

I am thankful for missionaries.

And their weekly [or so] emails.

books

I am thankful for books.

There just isn't quite anything like cuddling up next to a fire and getting into a book that whisks you away to another time and place.

I love to read. Love. It. And I've read a lot of books. But I love knowing that no matter how many books I have read, there are always so, so many more just waiting for it's pages to be turned.

In the age of electronics taking over the world, there's one advance I just can't get behind. I hate the thought of downloading books. I understand the convenience. I even understand how good it could be.

But there is something about holding a book in your hands, physically turning the pages and closing the book once you've finished the story. Nothing compares to that in my mind.

I love the smell of books. I love the feel of books. I love the look of books.

There are books that have seriously changed my life. Something in the story that gives me a different perspective. Something that helps me realize that I could be better. Something that I learn that I didn't know before. Sometimes, I just get inspired by a character and decide I want to be just like them.

I am thankful we have such an amazing form of both entertainment and learning, and that there are countless books for us to enjoy and benefit.

date nights

I am grateful for date nights with my husband.

Last night, we drove up to Park City for some dinner and a little bit of shopping at the Outlets. [Yes, I found a pair of grey boots for $10. They may or may not be galoshes. And I may or may not be totally in love with them.]

I am so grateful that we have opportunities to spend time together just the two of us. I love "our" time. I love when nothing else in the world matters but us and our conversations.

We had a delightful dinner at a cute little Asian bistro in the middle of town, and just enjoyed each other's company [and our sushi] while we chatted and laughed and watched the snow begin to fall outside.

I am thankful for all of the time Brans takes to spends with just me.

convenience

I am grateful for modern conveniences.

Today when we got home, our power was out.

It's amazing how much I rely on electricity:

to charge my phone

to cook my dinner

to heat my home

to type this blog

to do my job

to curl my hair

to watch tv

to do anything in what would otherwise be the dark

I'm grateful to be alive now. I'm grateful for all of the wonderful technological advances in my lifetime. I'm grateful for the simple things I take advantage of everyday, like electricity, running water, washing machines and dryers, dishwashers... there are so many things to be thankful for.

I'm grateful God knew how much I would enjoy modern conveniences, and that He blessed me to live in a time where they are so prevalent. I probably wouldn't have been a very good pioneer. Sure, I would have adapted and learned to deal with my surroundings, but it just seems like it would have been so hard.

I am so thankful for convenience.

work

I am grateful for my job.

It gets really crazy, and seems to be stressful about 90% of the time, but I really am grateful for it.

My job has helped me grow. I've learned so many things. I've met so many amazing people. I've worked on so many awesome projects and events.

I feel so blessed to have a job that I enjoy, that I am good at, and that allows me to support our little family. I also feel blessed to work for a company with a true mission - whose objective is to spread truth and light into the world. I'm so grateful for the people I work with. I've made some terrific friends.

Although sometimes it's easy to get bogged down in the stress and business of the industry I'm in, today reminded me of the great things I'm helping to accomplish and how incredibly wonderful my job is.

Our little record label recently released a new album by Hilary Weeks. It's the best album from her yet, and I've found myself singing her songs in my head each morning when I wake up. [Seriously - it's really good.] Our music team has been making a big push to help Hilary's album debut on the Contemporary Christian Billboard Chart - a feat that we haven't achieved before. We knew it would be tough. The Christian Charts have never taken much notice to our little Mormon Indie label, but this morning, we opened the door. Hilary's album "Every Step" not only debuted at #6 on the Christian Chart, it also was the #1 Indie Album in the country this week and made it halfway into the Billboard Top 200 Chart [#102 to be exact.] Such. A. Big. Freaking. Deal. We've been celebrating all day.

I am so grateful that I not only get to work with amazingly talented people like Hilary Weeks, but that I also get to develop friendships with them, too. It's pretty cool, I know. [grin]

Some of the things I've been apart of at my job still amaze me.

And I'm so grateful for all of the incredible opportunities I've been given.

I am thankful to be employed.

I am thankful I know how to work hard.

I am thankful that I have learned how to solve really hard problems.

I am thankful for my boss. He's one of my favorite people.

I am thankful to know so many talented people who make my job possible.

I am thankful for the influence I have for good through my job.

I am thankful.

november

Dear November,

I'm grateful for you. Your beautiful colors make my heart sing. The festive holiday season that you kick off is my favorite time of year. Thank you for always reminding me of all the things I have to be thankful for.

Sincerely,
Shanna

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

I'm thankful for warmth. Both physical and emotional.

I'm grateful for tangible things that keep me warm:

Warm winter coats
Mittens
Socks
Space heaters
Fireplaces
Snuggly blankets

I'm also grateful for the small and simple things that warm my soul:

Smiles from strangers
Sincere compliments
Unexpected phone calls from friends
Shared talents
... and so many others

I am thankful for all of the many ways God blesses me with warmth, both inside and out.

beautiful heartbreak

You know sometimes when you hear a song and it just pierces your soul? When the combination of the words and music suddenly cuts right through your heart? And you realize things you haven't realized before. And it changes you.

That's what this song did for me. And I completely sob through this video.

Every. Single. Time.

[Especially at about 3 minutes in]

It is so emotional and inspirational.

|| I had it all mapped out in front of me | Knew just where I wanted to go | But life decided to change my plans | And I found a mountain in the middle of my road | I knew there was no way to move it | So I searched for a way around| Broken-hearted I started climbing | And at the top I found |

Every fear, every doubt, all the pain I went through | Was the price that I paid to see this view | Now that I'm here I would never trade | The grace that I feel and the faith that I find | Through the bittersweet tears and the sleepless nights | I used to pray He'd take it all away | But instead it became | A beautiful heartbreak |

I never dreamed my heart would make it | And I thought about turning around | But Heaven has shown me miracles | I never would have seen from the ground | Now I take the rain with the sunshine | 'Cause there's one thing that I know | He picks up the pieces | Along each broken road ||

* * * * * * * *

I hope that I view things in my life as 'beautiful heartbreaks' instead of being bitter about the things that seem so unfair. It's so easy to be depressed and sad about terrible things that happen to you and people that you love.

I definitely know that God picks up the pieces along the seemingly broken roads of our lives. And I am so grateful that He does and for my first-hand knowledge of it.

recovering

It's been three weeks (about to the minute) since my surgery.

Things went very well. No complications. Everything went smoothly.

And things since the surgery have been...

hard

humbling

but so worth it.

- - - - - - - -

Because they were cutting both of my hands they had to put the IV in my foot. SO very painful. The nurse and doctor that put in the IV were so nice and so apologetic. But man, it hurt so bad.

Before they took me into surgery, the nurse asked to see each of my hands, and then proceeded to write "yes" on each of my wrists. A little while later, my surgeon came in to chat and had to initial my wrists. A pretty simple thing, but I can only imagine all of the lawsuits and problems that come if for some reason they operate on the wrong appendage... Better safe than sorry, I guess. But who'd have thought that writing "yes" on your wrist with a sharpie could solve so many problems?

So they wheeled me into surgery. And I don't remember a thing. They asked me to slide over from the gurney to the operating table, but I don't even recall how my head hit the pillow. I was out. I woke up a few hours later, bandaged like a boxer.

The surgery itself was less than a half hour. But I could immediately feel a difference in pain when I woke up. I hurt from being cut open, but the excruciating pain and numbness from before was gone. Still is. It's amazing how modern medicine has progressed to allow a simple procedure to result in such a complete change in how I feel.

I'm so grateful.

As you can imagine, being wrapped up so much and still in post-surgery pain, I couldn't do anything.

When I say "anything," I mean everything. I couldn't feed myself. I couldn't lift a paper cup to my mouth. I couldn't brush my teeth. Couldn't get hair out of my face. Scratch an itch. Open doors. Shower. Get dressed. Hold a remote. Use my phone. I couldn't even walk down the hall by myself. If you think about all of the things you do with your hands in even one hour... It's amazing how useful hands are. Something I suppose I very much took for granted.

It was frustrating to not be able to do anything for myself. It was humbling to have to ask for help for even the tiniest of things (and some of the not-so-tiny things... like going to the bathroom). It was hard to just sit around all day being waited on. It taught me a lot of patience to rely on someone else to feed me every single bite of food for two weeks. It was faith-building to realize that I can be healed from so much pain. It was overwhelming to know how many people loved me and cared about me.

So many people sent such nice Get Well cards.

So many people brought us dinners.

So many people sent flowers.

So many people called and left sweet messages.

So many people told me they were praying for me.

I'm humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude for the love I have seen.

So, thank you. For everything.

- - - - - - - -

About a week and a half after the surgery, they had me come in to change the bandages. So I downsized to gauze and ace bandages - a welcome alternative. The big bulky bandages were thick and sweaty and itchy.

With my hands not as bulky, I was able to start moving my fingers again, but only in small, simple movements. I could hold my toothbrush and move my head back and forth to kinda brush my teeth. I could use one finger to turn on the power button of the tv. But that's about it. After several days, I could hold a plastic fork with a baby bite on it and feed myself. Small things to normal life, but such great accomplishments for me.

And last week, they finally took the stitches out.

I have a pretty strong stomach and don't usually get woozy or pass out, but I came super close to it when they took the stitches out. My hands hurt just being in the open air. The wounds were still sore and tender and the stitches were so close to my skin that they had to pull it really tight to be able to cut the stitches.

It hurt. But I'm tough. I winced through the first few stitches, but started to get clammy and dizzy when I could feel the stitches being pulled over the wound and then under my skin. It was freaky. But I survived. (Barely.)

- - - - - - - -

Now, I'm on the mend. I'm still slow at any hand movements. But I feel stronger everyday.

I can:

type, though very, very slowly

cut my own food

turn door handles

almost play an octave on the piano

brush my hair

... so many things.

My hands are still tender. A little swollen. And if I try to do too many things they ache.

But I'm being healed.

And it's an incredible feeling.

hands

In less than 24 hours, I'll be in surgery.

Carpal Tunnel Surgery.

On both hands.

I've been more excited than nervous since the date was set.

But this morning, I woke up with that empty pit feeling in my stomach.

But I know everything will go well.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Through a frustrating and way-too-prolonged course of events, I ended up scheduling the surgery with my neighbor and back-up Ward Organist as my surgeon.

My surgeon is very good at what he does, highly recommended by everyone I've talked to, and, most importantly, fully invested in my recovery.

He sent me a text message this morning that said:

Looking forward to tomorrow. Best wishes to both of us.

My symptoms became pretty unbearable this spring - in both hands. I've been suffering with symptoms in my right hand for several years, but it was always manageable. And it's easy to still do things when you have one perfectly working hand. But when they both practically shut down.... It's bad news.

So this spring, when I felt like cutting off my hands every day, I finally went to a doctor. He referred me to a highly sought after hand surgeon that just so happened to be covered by my insurance. I was nervous and excited about the prospect of surgery, and called to make an appointment.

But his first opening was in the middle of August.

And it was May.

I resigned myself to the fact that I would have to wait to get in to see him, telling myself, that if the waiting list was so long, he must be the best. Right? The summer basically came and went, and the day of my appointment had finally arrived. I geared myself up for good news and bad news, preparing my heart for whatever the outcome would be. I was scared he'd say surgery was necessary. I was scared he'd say that I'd just have to wear braces on my hands for the rest of my life and live with the pain.

I arrived at my appointment 20 minutes early, thinking that I'd need time to park, fill out insurance info, and just to sit in the waiting room and calm myself down. But when I walked up to the reception desk, everything changed.

I said I was there for a 1:00pm appointment. They told me to have a seat and that they'd be with me soon. I waited about 15 minutes, not thinking anything was wrong, when the receptionist came back to the desk and informed me that I did not have an appointment with the doctor. I said that I was sure I did, and asked her to check again. She did a little digging and found out that the woman who I made the appointment with put my appointment in with a foot specialist. Awesome. Because I'm sure a foot specialist is interested in carpal tunnel. In my HANDS.

My eyes welled with tears, and I tried to hold them back and asked the woman what I should do. She kindly said that she would help me reschedule. I brushed the tears aside and said ok, and waited for her to look up the next available opening:

November 30.

And that's when I started crying. A lot. Almost in pitiful sobs. Almost. She apologized for the long wait and for the inconvenience, and said that she wished there was something else she could do for me... "but would you like the November 30 appointment?"

I declined, thanked her for trying and gathered

my things while hurriedly trying to get out the door.

I almost made it to my car before the sobs returned... or... er... started.

I sat in my car for 20 minutes, heartbroken and in pain. I couldn't believe that I had waited over 3 months for this appointment only to have it messed up. I was angry. Sad. Hurt. Why did I have to wait so long? It was so unfair.

I came home and started my search for a doctor all over again, when a little voice in my head told me to send a message to my neighbor. When I had talked to him earlier in the year about my hands, he mentioned that he did Carpal Tunnel Surgery, but that his practice didn't accept my insurance. So I sort of wrote off the idea. But my little head voice (read: Holy Ghost) said it again:

Send the message.

So I did. I mentioned that my appointment fell through with this other surgeon, and that I knew he didn't accept my insurance, but wondered if he had any recommendations for what I should do or who I should see.

He kindly informed me that he had recently signed an exclusive deal with my insurance company, and would be happy to fit me in at my earliest convenience.

I made an appointment for a few days later and, this time, was not scared at all before the consult.

He immediately put me at ease when I walked into his office - in fact, he came out to the foyer to say hello while still meeting with another patient! He took almost an hour that morning answering all of my questions, presenting all of the different methods of action to take, all of the ins and outs of surgery, and more importantly, recovery. He truly made me feel at peace with the decision.

And it helps that he has a vested interest in my recovery - the sooner I heal, the fewer weeks he has to play the organ in our ward.

I trust my hands in his.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The other day I was talking to a woman that works in my building and she asked me how I thought I developed Carpal Tunnel. I told her about all of the things I do with my hands (read: everything I love to do I do with my hands.) and she said "... well, God giveth and God taketh away."

But she is wrong.

God gave me my hands. He gave me the talents to use them. And he has given me the opportunity to learn a few things about myself lately.

I can do hard things.

I can work through the pain.

And, that through Him, I can be healed.

I've been so blessed in my life to have many talents and abilities. My hands are God's tools. And I hope that I have successfully used them for good, and that I can continue to use them for better. God isn't or hasn't taken anything away. He has only given.

He's given me hope. Peace. An opportunity to stretch and learn. He's given me a deep appreciation for the healing power of our Savior. And He's taught me that I am strong.

I am positive that lining up my neighbor as my surgeon was a divine gift.

It's just one of the many ways God has shown me He truly does love me and is protecting me and watching out for me in all that I do.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So, tomorrow, I say good bye to these:

you could not imagine how hard it is to

take a photo of both of your hands at the same time...

And while I can't really use my hands much for the next two weeks, I'm excited about the prospect of being able to play the piano without my fingers going numb. Or washing the dishes without losing my grip and breaking something. Or making a wedding cake without crying during the decorating. Or, simply being able to sleep through the night without waking up every hour in pain.

I am excited.

And so grateful for the outpouring of love and affection. I am so lucky to have so many people who love me.

Seriously.

Thank you.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I would say wish me luck,

but I feel too blessed to need luck.

I'm being watched over.

But I totally appreciate prayers.

dean's list

From the very first moment that

Brans and I met,

I knew he was a very smart guy.

And since he's gone back to school,

we both have been working super hard

- -

He with his classes and homework

and me with my super fast-paced job

- -

While I was hoping that he would get good grades,

I was pleasantly surprised when

he got this letter in the mail last week:

And I couldn't be more pleased.

harry potter

Yes. I saw it.

Yes. It was mind-blowing-ly awesome.

Yes. I got home a little before 3am.

Yes. I'm at work already.

Yes. I'm tired.
Yes. I cried.

Yes. Multiple times.

Yes. It was totally worth it.

Yes. It was a perfect conclusion to a revolutionary franchise.

Yes. I loved it.

What else do I love?

Potter Puppet Pals.

This one is my favorite.

And yes. I sing the song frequently.

In my head and out loud.

sights of summer

These are some of the sights of our summer so far.

While I love them all, I must admit I'm most currently enthralled with the recent addition of a dishwasher to our kitchen. [My carpal tunnel hands just can't grip dishes anymore. And no, I will not tell you how many glasses I may or may not have broken.] Thank goodness for machines that help make work a little easier.

Happy summer.

And Happy Independence Day.

I'm so glad we live in America.

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